(In 250 Words or Less)

SEPTEMBER 19, 2006
Word Count:249

“When we have him surrounded, I want you, you and you to start throwing cream pies. You got that? Cream pies.”

“Yes Sir! Cream pies Sir!”

“Uh sir, do you want those pies to be banana cream, chocolate cream or coconut cream?”

“What’s your name son?”

“Clouseau, Corporal Clouseau.”

“Good question Corporal. Chocolate cream. It’s thicker and darker. Harder to see through. Chocolate cream pies are paramount, in fact they are the keystone to this collar.”

“Wouldn’t pepper spray be a better choice sir?”

“I like the way you think Clouseau. I want you men to lace your pies, your chocolate pies, with pepper spray.”

“Yes Sir! Pepper spray Sir!”

“Once he’s blinded, I want you, you and you to move in with the rubber hoses. You got that? Rubber Hoses.”

“Yes Sir! Rubber hoses Sir!”

“Should I use a garden hose, surgical tubing or what?”

“What? You mean watts. I like the way you think Closeau. Forget the rubber hoses and use tasers instead. Everbody got that?”

“Yes sir! Tasers Sir!”

“Once we have him subdued, we’ll turn him over to our American friends. They will take control. Speaking of which, I’d like to introduce their best man, Agent Smart.”

“Gentlemen, if only this terrorist used his skills for niceness instead of evil, the world would be a much safer place. Before I can tell you what we have planned for Mr. Arar, I must insist on the Cone of Silence.”


“Sorry about that Chief.”

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Copyright © 2006 Jim Sadlemyer