« April 2007 »
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30
Entries by Topic
All topics  «
April 19, 2007
April 2, 2007
April 26, 2007
April 27, 2007
April 3, 2007
April 30, 2007
April 4, 2007
December 20, 2006
December 21, 2006
December 5, 2006
February 12, 2007
February 16, 2007
February 2, 2007
February 21, 2007
February 22, 2007
February 23, 2007
February 6, 2007
February 7, 2007
Janaury 22, 2007
January 04, 2007
January 10, 2007
January 11, 2007
January 12, 2007
January 15, 2007
January 16, 2007
January 17, 2007
January 2, 2007
January 22, 2007
January 29, 2007
January 3, 2007
January 31, 2007
January 5, 2007
January 8, 2007
January 9, 2007
July 10, 2007
July 18, 2007
July 6, 2007
June 26, 2007
June 27, 2007
June 5, 2007
June 8, 2007
March 1, 2007
March 13, 2007
March 15, 2007
March 2, 2007
March 26, 2007
March 27, 2007
March 7, 2007
May 1, 2007
May 14, 2007
May 15, 2007
May 16, 2007
May 29, 2007
May 7, 2007
November 1, 2006
November 15, 2006
November 17, 2006
November 2, 2006
November 21. 2006
November 27, 2006
November 3, 2006
November 30, 2006
November 6, 2006
November 7, 2006
November 8, 2006
November 9, 2006
October 27 2006
October 30 2006
October 31 2006
Tuesday January 30, 2007
MORE STUFF HERE!
Story Archive
AttentionEditors
Eavesdroppings
Monday, 30 April 2007
MORE STUDENTS PUNISHED OVER FACEBOOK COMMENTS
Topic: April 30, 2007

"We can't have children making rude comments about teachers! We must have discipline. We must have respect! Children should not be expressing their opinions. They need to suck it up and swallow any free thought that does not conform to this school's administrative policies."
"I'm not saying I disagree with you but I just don't know how far we can go in so much as to be invading the private lives of our students."
"It's not private when their comments are posted on the internet for millions to see."
"It's my understanding that they thought their comments were private. A peer's discussion if you will, by them and for them only."
"The internet is available to almost everyone these days."
"That may be true but who other than the kids having this ‘discussion' could possibly interested in it?"
"Well, I found out about it didn't I?"
"That brings up an interesting point? Why are you trolling conversations belonging to kids in the first place? It's kind of creepy."
"Because I knew they were talking about me. I just knew they were. And I was right! Therefore I have the right to see them punished. I want them subjugated. I want my pound of flesh. I want my revenge!"
"I think you're getting paranoid."
"Am I? Am I really? Just look at that group of kids huddled around."
"That's the football team. It's the last play. They need this to win. They're supposed to huddle."
"I bet they're talking about me."


Posted by JimSadlemyer at 12:16 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, 27 April 2007
MORE QUESTIONING EXPECTED ON AFGHAN DETAINEES
Topic: April 27, 2007
"Let's see... I think I'll have the Cowpoke Stack of Flapjacks, extra sausages and some dry white toast, what are you having Stockwell?"
"Well Gordon, I'll have a poached egg on a granola wafer and some gluten free tea."
"Excellent choices gentleman. And for you Mr. Harper?"
"Waffles! I must have waffles, forthwith. Bring me your finest assortment."
"So we have one stack of flapjacks, extra sausage, dry white toast, a poached egg on granola, gluten free tea, and the Waffles of the World?"
"That's not what I said!"
"I'm terribly sorry Mr. O'Connor, did I miss something?"
"Oatmeal. I want oatmeal. And throw some prunes in there too while you're at it."
"Excellent choice. Which would you like first, the flapjacks or the oatmeal or the dry white toast?"
"What are you talking about? I said I wanted a bowl of Sugar Crisp and toss in a few sliced strawberries before that sugarbear gets them again."
"I'm confused."
"Actually, I heard from one of my people in Afghanistan that a great way to start your day is with a bowl of wild rice with some sprouts sprinkled on top."
"I'm sorry Mr. Day, are you changing your order too?"
"I'll handle this Stockwell."
"Thanks Stephen."
"You obviously haven't been listening to what we've been saying. We're trying to order cheeseburgers."
"I thought you were ordering breakfast."
"What's the matter with you? Don't you support our troops? Gentlemen, I'd say we're ready for today's Question Period. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Agreed!"

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 8:15 AM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Thursday, 26 April 2007
CHILDREN NEED MORE SAY IN GOVERNMENT
Topic: April 26, 2007
"Hello boys and girls. Thank you for inviting me into your classroom. Today. And what a big class it is. There must be fifty of you crammed in here. The Senate has told me that our government has not given you a fair say in what goes on in our country. Would any of you like to say something? You. The young man in the t-shirt is it? Would you like to say something?"
"My dad says you stink."
"BILLY! Oh, I'm so sorry Prime Minister Harper. Now Billy, that wasn't very nice. Apologize this instant."
"Aww."
"Apologize."
"I'm sorry."
"That's alright Billy, I've heard worse...much worse. Did your dad say why I stink?"
"He says you're like George Bush. He calls you Bush Light."
"I see."
"He says we shouldn't be in a war with Affgandistan."
"We're not at war with Afghanistan. We are fighting terrorism. The Taliban. They just happen to live there. Don't you support our soldiers? They have guns. Big guns. Next question."
"How come you want older people to work more?"
"It's good for the economy."
"But I used to get to stay at grandmas house after school but now she can't afford to stay home so she says hi to people at Wal-Mart."
"Good for her!"
"But now my parents have to pay daycare and that's the reason I can't get a new bike."
"Well kids, I'd love to answer more questions but I have to go."
"Why?"
"My photographer ran out of film."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 10:44 AM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Thursday, 19 April 2007
CANADIAN ACTIVIST JAILED FOR LIFE MCKAY TO DISCUSS WITH OFFICIALS
Topic: April 19, 2007
"Where the hell is my silk kimono?"
"It's in the closet beside your safari outfit."
"Where - oh, here it is thanks. Now where are my Ray-Bans?"
"The cool looking aviator glasses?"
"Yeah, the Ray-Bans."
"I don't think those are appropriate for your trip to China Peter."
"Why not? "
"You'll be so busy cow-towing and bowing to the Chinese authorities that you won't have time to worry about the sun getting in your eyes."
"But what if I want to stop by Kandahar on the way home?"
"Hmmm, you're right, you better pack them. I think I saw them on the dash of your SUV."
"Gotta multi-task. If the Liberals pressure a non-confidence vote, another photo-op can't hurt."
"That's the other reason why your mission to China on Celil's behalf is so important."
"Why is that?"
"If we can get him out of jail over there we'll be heroes! Just think of the positive spin we can put on it. We'll be in power for years to come!"
"Is this guy as bad as they say he is?"
"It's hard to say. I'm sure that the authorities, no matter what government is involved, would have to be pretty certain that he is guilty of something before tossing him in jail."
"You gotta be able to trust your governments. One government's activist is another's terrorist."
"It's too bad we can't throw activists in jail here too."
"Yes I know, but be patient. All in good time, all in good time."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 3:49 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, 4 April 2007
BRITISH CREW TO BE RELEASED
Topic: April 4, 2007
"By Jove old boy, bully, I repeat, bully, what a lovely jubbly."
"I must say, that certainly was as bent as a nine-bob note those Iranian chaps taking our lads captive like that, I must say."
"Right. Quite right. But we knew all along it was a game with two halves. It certainly looked like the whole mess had gone up the spout but as sure as Bob's your uncle, it came out tickety boo in the end."
"More tea?"
"Yes quite."
"Crumpet?"
"Well, I'm not made of stone am I?"
"Haw, haw, I must say, haw haw."
"Did you ever notice that their president, er, what's his name?"
"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?"
"Yes, that's the chap. Have you ever noticed he looks an awful lot like that Amercian actor, Jamie Farr?"
"I hadn't noticed, but now that you mention it, yes, yes he does."
"Well, I'm bursting! Aren't you going to tell me how you managed it?"
"Managed what?"
"This whole situation was two steps beyond barking yet you pulled it out of the fire. How man, how?"
"Actually, I sought out the best strategists I could. Bush offered to help but since he was sort of to blame we felt it best if we handled it the old fashioned British way."
"Good god man you can't be serious!"
"When British lives are at stake there can be no half-measures."
"You mean..."
"Right on the button old boy, we bored them into releasing our team."
"Good show old man. Good show."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 6:27 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
NO BAN FOR TIE DOMI SAYS OFFICIAL
Topic: April 3, 2007
"I want to speak to somebody in charge... NOW!"
"I'm sorry sir and you are?"
"Domi. Tie Domi."
"I see Mr. Dummy."
"It's Domi, D-O-M-I. You follow?"
"Sorry Mr. er, Domi. Do you have an appointment?"
"I'm Tie Domi. I don't make appointments. I break them. You follow?"
"I'm afraid I don't, sorry."
"I said I want to speak to someone in charge you F---ing F---!"
"I could let you speak to Carolyn Stewart-Olsen."
"Who the F--- is she?"
"She's the Prime Minister's Press Secretary. Oh, here she is now?"
"May I help you?"
"You in charge here."
"You could say that, just don't quote me on that."
"I want to know what makes you so F---ing special."
"Now see here sir, I will not be spoken to like that in my own office."
"I'm a taxpayer and you're gonna F---ing listen. You follow?"
"What is it you want?"
"I want to know why in the F--- Belinda isn't getting more time on question period. I want you to put her out front and center. Every F---ing time there's an important issue. Her F---ing opinion is better than most of the pencil neck geeks you have her surrounded by."
"Uh, Mr. Domi. I think you've made a terrible mistake."
"I don't make mistakes. I break them. You follow?"
"I'm afraid you don't, follow. You see, this is Prime Minister Harper's office. Belinda Stronach doesn't work here anymore. You want Stephane Dion's office."
"Sorry."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 5:54 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Monday, 2 April 2007
MPs MAKE SUPROSE VISIT TO AFGHANISTAN
Topic: April 2, 2007

"Which ones do you like Vic?"
"I'm not sure. Try the other pair on again."
"How's this?"
"Yeah. That looks better. The aviator glasses make you look way cooler."
"Really?"
"Of course...and I'm not just saying that either. I'm not very fond of these flack jackets though."
"They're standard issue on every photo-op mission Vic. You know that."
"I don't see anybody on the base wearing them. It's not like we're going out into the field are we?"
"You can take it off as soon as the press corps is finished with us."
"But it makes me look fat."
"You should have thought have that before you scarffed down all those free doughnuts from Melnyk. Besides you really don't look fat, I'd say more... authoritative."
"Speaking of the Ottawa Senators owner, did you get a jersey too?"
"I got two! I just didn't want to cover up these flak jackets."
"Where's Helen?"
"I think she was getting a few more minutes in the tanning booth on the plane before coming out. We can't elect pale members of parliament. They all have to have that authentic Afghan tan for their campaign photos.
"She better hurry. It sure is hot here Stockwell."
"Here have some of my sunblock, it helps."
"Thanks. Do you have any lip balm?"
"Regular or mint?"
"Mint. Thanks."
"I think we're almost done."
"I guess Helen will have to wait for the next trip. Can we stop over in Dubai on the way back?"
"Of course."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 12:08 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Tuesday, 27 March 2007
SHIFT BORDER GUARD FOCUS TO SECURITY SAYS REPORT
Topic: March 27, 2007
"Have you anything to declare?"
"Yes. I've been in this line for over two hours. There were only five cars in the line."
"So what's your point?"
"My point is I'm a Canadian citizen. It shouldn't take this long to get back into my own country!"
"I'm sure you can appreciate that since 911, defending our borders has become of prime importance. Park there please."
"What for? I've nothing to declare this trip."
"Listen sir, you want across the border. I want you across the border. If you pay duty on something, we can let you across. What do we have to do to get you across the border today?"
"Lift up the gate and let me through."
"Hmmm. Petty, our duty sniffing dog will check your car."
"What for?"
"To give you time to browse our new duty-free shop we've set up to increase border revenues. Do you have an Air Miles card sir?"
"Of course but-"
"If we find any undeclared beer or cigarettes in your vehicle, you qualify for double air miles! It's a special promotion my supervisor is running this week."
"I told you I have nothing."
"You might be interested in checking your lottery tickets at our Ontario Lotteries Gaming kiosk located near the cash register, you wouldn't believe what a money maker it is."
"I have nothing to declare! And what is an Ontario Lotteries kiosk doing here? This B.C.!"
"I've said too much. Please step through the door marked Security Certificate Detainees...Next!"

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 10:13 AM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Monday, 26 March 2007
BANK OF CANADA SPENDS 284K ON IN HOUSE DINING
Topic: March 26, 2007
"Dodge, I hate to complain but this soup is cold."
"Jean Paul! Jean Paul!"
"Oui Monsieur Dodge?"
"The Prime Minister's soup is cold."
"Cucumber soup is supposed to be served cold Monsieur Dodge."
"Couldn't you zap it for a few seconds?"
"Oui Monsieur."
"Throw in a few chunks of something expensive in it while you're at it."
"Sigh...Oui Monsieur."
"I have to hand it to you Dodge, this is a great dining room you got here."
"Thanks. It certainly cuts down on our entertainment expenses. We above all else, need to show physical responsibility."
"I noticed you have a separate cafeteria for the rest of the employees."
"But of course. You wouldn't want to stand in line with all that riff raff now would you?"
"Good heaven's no."
"And besides, only executives eat for free, the rabble has to pay."
"Sounds fair to me, I'll give this some serious thought. I wonder if I can get a personal chef of my own. Or better yet, a chef for each member of cabinet."
"Think of the money your government would save on dining out! You'd be an inspiration to Canadians everywhere. I'll give you some advice though, if you have a cafeteria set up for the help, be sure to install an Ontario Lotteries Kiosk in it as well. That's when the real money starts to come in."
"Wink wink."
"Nudge nudge."
"Your Lobster and Cucumber Soup sir."
"I've changed my mind, I want it cold."
"Sigh. Oui, Monsieur."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 10:21 AM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Thursday, 15 March 2007
CANADA TO TAKE ACTIVE ROLL IN CLIMATE CHANGE SUMMIT
Topic: March 15, 2007
"George Bush here."
"Thanks for taking the call George, it's Stephen Harper."
"Harper... Harper... Harper?"
"The Prime Minister of Canada. Stephen Harper."
"Oh right... Harper. How's it going Stevie?"
"Well, it could better."
"Go ahead, explain."
"I sent O'Connor and Hillier to Afghanistan like you said. But the results were less than spectacular."
"How so?"
"The missing prisoners. The ones we handed over to the Afghan authorities. They're still nowhere to be found. Despite the meetings, it doesn't sound promising that any new ones we hand over in the future won't suffer the same fate."
"Just tell people that they escaped. Yeah, that's it. Escaped. Heh heh."
"I'll try but I doubt anyone will buy it, what with reports of battlefield executions by the Afghan army."
"Ignore those."
"We're trying."
"Listen Stevie, when something isn't working, don't give up, just keep making mistake after mistake. That's how we learn. From our mistakes. The more we make, the more we learn in the long run heh heh."
"Hillier didn't help, suggesting that progress was being made by seeing grape huts."
"Grape Huts? Is that some kind of breakfast cereal?"
"Beats me."
"I doubt anyone paid much attention to that. Did your PR guys get any footage?"
"Of course. Bureaucrats in fatigues. The usual stuff."
"Good. Now all you gotta do is take the focus off Afghanistan for a bit. Give ‘em a bit of domestic stuff."
"I'll have Baird make a statement on the environment."
"Semper Fi Stevie. Semper Fi."

Posted by JimSadlemyer at 1:42 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink

Newer | Latest | Older