"Come in Rona. Sit down."

"Thanks Stephen, what’s up?"

"Layton is giving us until noon to make changes to the Clean Air Act. Or else."

"Or else what?"

"He’ll file a non-confidence vote in the House."

"Can he do that?"

"Yes. Yes he can."

"That’s hardly fair."

"Fair has nothing to do with it. Do you think it’s fair KFC is changing their oil for their chicken? I doubt it will be as delicious. I’m very worried."

"Me too. I love that chicken. They can’t do that can they?"

"Already in the works."

"Hmmmpff."

"It’s as if the NDP infiltrated KFC and are forcing sweeping changes to improve quality for consumer’s health."

"They won’t stop at anything will they?"

"It seems unlikely. But we’ve digressed. Back to the clean air thing."

"Well why don’t we stall for more time."

"Been there, done that. They want movement on the environment now."

"…or else they’ll try to topple us. I think we should get the cabinet in to discuss this."

"Great idea. Set it up right away, have an early lunch brought in. Maybe we should get the Liberal and the Bloc members in too. I’m sure they don’t want to be campaigning before Christmas."

"Might as well order in some KFC before that’s ruined too. I have a coupon."

"Sounds yummy. With any luck we can get enough Liberals and Bloc to vote against the non-confidence vote if it’s tabled. We’ll lick those NDP’ers good."

"Jack."

"Stephen."

"Come in."

"Thanks."

"Won’t you have a seat?"

"Don’t mind if I do. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice."

"Always a pleasure...so, what’s on your mind?"

"As I’ve said before, our party is extremely dissatisfied with your Clean Air Act. If you hadn’t met with me I was filing a motion of non-confidence and forcing a fall election."

"Yeah, you sure called us out on that one. Surprised it took you so long. It’s simply amazing how easy it is to distract the House and the public."

"You mean, you actually agree your Act is awful?"

"We never expected it to get this far. We’d hoped a non-confidence vote would have come sooner. This could be just what we’ve been waiting for."

"You mean you’re welcoming an election?"

"Between you and me? Yes!"

"Why?"

"Well, we couldn’t do it because the Liberals are leaderless. It would have looked...tacky. But now that you opened the possibility, we can move while the Liberals are still weak. We’ll simply blame you for an election no-one wants. It’s a win win for us."

"I think the public would welcome an election, and us, for forcing you into one."

"Not after our spin guys are finished. We might just squeak through with a small majority this time."

"Good day sir!"

SLAM!

"You can come out now Rona."

"Do you think he bought it?"

"I think I bought us another week. Better get MacKay working on another diversion."

"Yes, Ottawa is satisfied with the U.S. response to the Maher Arar case. You could say we’re happy about it."

"But Mr. MacKay, the letter from Condoleeza Rice contained no apology."

"I can respect that."

"But he was deported without notification to Syria where he was tortured."

"It’s not what the letter says, it’s what it doesn’t say. You have to be able to read between the lines on communications like this."

"Mr. Arar’s lawyers don’t share your enthusiasm. They noticed there was no apology."

"Apology, schmapology. Why is everyone hung up on apologies these days? They said they’d notify us next time that they ship off one of our citizens to Syria. What more do you want?"

"I think an apology would be in order."

"Again with the apology? We’ve covered this."

"Can you tell us if they removed Mr. Arar and his family from their watch lists?"

"They never specified that but let me say that I, uh, we are satisfied with the substance of the letter from Secretary of State Rice."

"With no apology Mr. MacKay, how can you possibly be satisfied with the letter?"

"I, er, this government is happy with not apologising. I think we have shown that already. Maybe they feel they don’t have anything to apologise for. I mean we’re the ones who tipped them off in the first place."

"Why are you happy with the letter?"

"Look at the signature. Condy signed Rice with a heart above the I."

"... Ignatieff, Dryden, Rae, Dion and Volpe."

"We can’t forget about the NDP."

"Of course not. All of them! Layton and Comartin, for sure at the top of the list."

"Now what about Stronach and Turner? I’m not sure how they fall into the mix on this."

"I think it goes without saying that they are on their own ‘special" list."

"And the Bloc?"

"Duceppe in big bold black letters."

"And what of entertainers?"

"Better get a new pad of paper. Barbara Streisand and the Dixie Chicks for starters."

"What about Michael J. Fox?"

"Is he still Canadian?"

"Does it matter?"

"No. Not in the least."

"He’s on the list then. Can’t have a guy like that not be on the list."

"I think we should give this to Senator Banks. He’d know more about who’s who on the celebrity circuit and where they stand."

"Works for me."

"Sports... what of sports figures?"

"The Leafs?"

"The entire organization."

"And Domi?"

"He gets a special exemption. He can do more good for our cause if he’s mobile."

"Here’s one. The Saskatchewan Roughriders."

"I like it. They eliminated Edmonton and now they’re threatening the my Stampeders."

"Won’t there be a backlash?"

"Only from the city centers. Rural folks there are on the program."

"Okay I think I see where we’re headed with this, why don’t I finish up and fire it off to Zacardelli?"

"I feel safer already Stockwell."

"As do I Stephen, as do I."